What Annoys Me About Online Dating

So I have been online dating off and on for a while. I have met some great people…some not so amazing. Some baffling  (but certainly funny post stories). I have had some short term (good) relationships from it. Here are a few things that I’ve noticed not only in myself but also verified with others.

  1. Have Pictures. It is not just a male thing to be physically drawn to someone. I will not respond at all if a guy can’t take the time to put up a photo. What are you hiding?
  2. Quality Pictures. There are a few notes on this one.
    1. If a dude can’t smile in a picture, do you not smile in real life? Are your teeth horrible?
    2. Don’t post only one picture that is so out of focus I can barely tell it is a human in that photo.
    3. Don’t post all photos of you in a group where I have to try to figure out who is the common denominator.
    4. If there is a photo of you and one other lady – I don’t know who that is…it may be your daughter, sister or ex. I will immediately say no thank you.
    5. I’ve seen what a beach and a mountain look like – or I can check them out on Pinterest. I’m not on a dating site to see a pretty beach.
    6. I will assume if all your photos have you wearing a hat that you are bald (and rather than being bald and proud -that you want to hide that)
    7. I will assume that if all your photos are only face shots that you have a size-able gut. (Again…are you hiding that…wouldn’t I see it the first time we meet?)
  3. Use The Phone. Novel concept here – but if you’ve asked for my number and I’ve given it to you…it means you can use it. Yep, any day now. (Still waiting…) Um? Why ask for a phone number if you don’t call or text?
  4. Ask Us Out. Aren’t these sites called DATING sites? Or perhaps I’m missing something…I don’t really need another pen-pal or Facebook friend. I am on these sites to meet someone. So guys who get nervous.. um.. just go ahead an ask us out. A coffee or something simple. IN PERSON. By the time we’ve messaged you, maybe even exchanged numbers for a friendly text banter…we’re intersted. We won’t turn you down! (Unless we really do have to fly to Abu Dhabi for that work conference early the next morning).
    1. Of note: IF you do finally get up the nerves to ask us out. Make real plans not just “sometime this weekend.” I don’t know what that means and how to plan my life around it (or if I WANT to plan my life around that). Is it dinner? Is it coffee on Sunday morning? And if you don’t clarify…I’m not sure if I call you to clarify or if you will reach out to me. Am I being to forward to say, “Hey I thought we were going out…so…um… like…when/where?”
  5. Dating Does Not Equal Sex. Just because I’ve accepted a coffee date with you does not mean that we can now sleep together (or that I want to sleep with your for that matter). If there is chemistry. It’s there. Great. But don’t ask about sex on that (or right after) that first coffee date.
  6. Respond Even If It’s No Thanks. I don’t know about you but when it comes to manners there seems to be fewer and fewer. If I have taken the time to message you and you’re not interested. Please just say so. At least respond one way or another.
  7. Just Stop. Hey if there’s no chemistry when you meet (or talked on the phone and something wasn’t right even in that call). Don’t text me back like a stalker. I know this is a weird one to fall under “respond” but is also means. Don’t respond if we’ve politely declined.

I do believe that this does go both ways. There are annoying things about women on online dating sites as well. Is there the perfect match out there? Have I joined the right site(s)? Did I swipe left when I meant to swipe right and I’m missing Mr. Perfect right now?

Valentines Is About Love

Valentine’s Day is supposed to be all about love. Most of the time I think it [Valentine’s Day] is love of the boyfriend/girlfriend type (etc). There have been many Valentines that I didn’t have that someone special. I didn’t get to celebrate the way that I had worked up in my head.

I like to hike on Sundays. I call it my “Personal Church.” It gives me an opportunity to get out in the beautiful weather, outdoors and let myself think through things that I have had on my mind. Things that I somehow need to work out in my brain. It is sort of what I might call a moving meditation. I let my head wander through what it needs to.

Today – being that it is Valentines. I thought about love. What does love mean? What does it look like? How does it feel? I also thought about how God is love. How His lasting love remains every day. I also thought about how I need to love myself before anyone else can really love me. So rather than a long bucket list of things I want to do or places I want to visit, today I list the things I love (either in general or about me).

  • I love that I can laugh and do so often.
  • I love my kids. I love being a mom.
  • (But I also love that my son is driving already).
  • I love that I have friends that make me feel included and loved.
  • I love that I have a job that gives me freedom to do what I want on my timeline.
  • I like that I am healthy and strong enough to take my walks/snowboard etc.
  • I love being outside
  • I love living in Colorado.
  • I love driving my jeep.
  • I love my new house.
  • I love to get a deal.
  • I love nice things at a discounted rate.
  • I love to travel, see new things and meet new people.
  • I love trying new things.
  • I love to achieve a goal.
  • I love to be busy (busy schedule)
  • I love to have a place to go even if it is something I have planned.
  • I love having all my bills paid off.
  • I love not being in debt.
  • I love the warm cup of coffee in the morning or tea in the afternoon/evening.
  • I love getting mail.
  • I love flipping through a magazine.
  • I love getting mail.

There are so many more I can probably add to this list. I can continue with all kinds of things. But this is my starter. When you might be feeling down and in the dumps about Valentine’s not being what you hoped it would be – or how a movie makes it seem. Flip the script. Think about what you love. What is lovely about you.

The Nest Takes Time To Contemplate

I was invited to see The Nest at the Denver Center on Friday. I invited my sister to join me and have a fun girls night at the theater (we went to dinner too). The show continues at the Denver Center through Februay 21, 2016.

When we looked for a brief synopsis of what the show was about, there was more about the writer, Theresa Rebeck than there was about the play itself. She is known for humor in her dialogue. The brief on the show was simply – “When drinking at The Nest no conversation at is off limits.”

There is an underlying tension between the bar (which is central to the whole play) which represents sort of an old school way of life that is sort of dying. Meeting people at a community location. Drinking together. Getting to know one another (more than our blogs or facebook posts). It dances into addressing the way that our society is leaning more toward chain restaurants, malls and something far more impersonal.

The show literally revolved around the characters. What they think. What they believe. What they tell each other. What they decide not to say. How well you may think you know some people and yet how little you may actually know about them or their situation. Lonely? Desperate? Helpless? Greed? Hopeful? They are all there.


The nest

**Stop reading now if you don’t want to know anything about the end**

The Nest did not come to a satisfying end that would make me either smile or be mad. As matter of fact, we were not even sure it really was the end. And I don’t believe we were alone as we walked out of the theater and it was fairly quiet.

Upon our ride home and discussing it – we realized that perhaps no giant satisfying ending was really the point of the show. It was more of a character reflection. Each of us could honestly say that we had known people that would fit the outline of each of the characters and/or saw some of the personality traits in ourselves.